How well intended the event was, scientists, Deans, University Presidents, major award festooned Professors, some acknowledged and applauded, some anonymous in an audience that also included artists, makers, students, faculty, members of local and visiting communities, and others there to listen to a keynote address on a subject to which most of those present were already committed. I identified as one of the committed, entering Rackham Auditorium with skepticism in check; after all, I was a maker in a research university, connected to the arts engine (as fuel and as exhaust) hosting the event, and I indeed had a role as an audience member, but a role that changed almost immediately as the opening session began, my feet, legs, head, torso responding to irresistible music of The Gratitude Steel Band;
I danced in my seat to what turned out to be an enjoyable conventional role for the band: background music, organized sound to help focus time spent waiting for the speakers, entrance and exit music, pretty sonic bookends.
I liked this music, and entertained (some of the Gratitude Steel Band’s role of course was to entertain) ideas of allowing movement of my body to interact with the sound of Gratitude, to be sculpted and resculpted according to tempo, modulation, and rhythm more visibly, right up there on the stage, but knowing what happened to Whitney Houston, whose established role has been stage performance, when she wanted to respond more forcefully to Prince’s music at his concerts, I decided against possibly being taken to rehab where some of the role of art-making would be therapeutic.
I didn’t hide these simple involuntary rhythmic responses to Gratitude’s music, but responses were tamed; there was no Pentecostal context that couldn’t be over-ridden; no Baptist fervor to which I might respond in an ecstasy of salvation and a personal relationship with Jesus that makes my mother dance, that enables dancing with a Holy Ghost partner, as most other times, she needs a walker (or the return of my father after 30 years in the grave —she believes that's possible too). So there is power in vibrations pulsing through the body, temporarily regulating movements of components of body to these rhythms that are incredibly intimate, invisibly entering ears, tickling cilia, Holy tickling when God is vibrating in a sermon, in a gospel choir, in responses to calls from praying deacons and deaconesses. In those moments in which body and sound are linked, there is collaboration, one informing another, inciting another to more intensity to a peak preceding decline at which point feeling and memory have chances to prolong effects and to shape meanings, heart rate gradually decreasing, temperature dropping, little transparent pills of sweat evaporating into an atmosphere that was a component of host system of event, that atmosphere marked with evaporation. What was built dissipated, including a promise I’d built for the event, seduced by role, art-making, art, and research cozy in the same sentence, not even separated by commas in the printed program. Members of the same family, royal cousins marrying (distant) cousins to keep their elite advantage elite, exclusive; side-by-side on a research throne.
The Role should have alerted me more quickly than it did; perhaps I was too caught up in hope that I was configuring with my own ideas about art-making, art, and research interfaces, hope that I also knew to function as an intangible snare that can exert enormous power because it often wrangles spirit, mind which many consider the throne of thinking, creativity, and imagination. But I knew to question knowing, so I slid comfortably into that hope,
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Dove Fish in Stone Gathering Moss
by Rita Dove
annotated with a text poam that is further annotated by Thylias Moss
(as presented in Minneapolis, Minnesota at a Rain Taxi sponsored celebration at Open Book (dream store-gallery-book-making-workshop) of the Poetry Society of America centennial, another stab at site specificity, to make connections between that fish, that stone and my aunt, another sibling of the six out of nine that died before their mother from a disease I was told was, at the time, European, as if that part of them warred successfully against the native part whose strength went to their appearance; that's why Blain's is in [tenacity of presence] what follows: a text piece (form of poam) of even more limited applicability than usual, specific to, peculiar to an intersection of all that meets, convenes, converges to mark each other with having come together, some of it forced, then diverges, separates without having to reconnect the same way or at all except for how the marking influenced, steered to some degree, that likely won't be known fully, where participants in the collaboration went, some of it to this blog post, more than a year later [particles of it still pulse while —blessed apparent simultaneity— echoes of a big banging cosmic event still travel in all directions, determined to connect with us].):
one of many puddles, billions of luminous cosmic pools can also fail in their promise of depth
So much longing
so close to theFarm and Fleet's assortments of toys, home basics, wild bird care, cherry life savers as a jazzy set of monocles Belvia often held up making an oasis of her eyes' black centers' surrender to endlessness, eleven Farm and Fleet opportunities to get to Coon Rapids and ping-pong all day with Anoka, the landings of her most beautiful days splashing a genetic puddle full of only near resemblances flickering on the water's surface as if nothing is more grand than to sparkle: say oh and ah to brightness even if just a single megaton bomb exposing its bubbling--pretty near effervescent --guts: an explosion of newly forming fins, evolutionary artistry since 1955
how true it is that if you can't find it at Blain's Farm & Fleet,
you don't need it, certainly not to shine
cruelty and kindness of proximity to Kohler styled water that from now on just turns stone more smooth; while I spoke in Minneapolis' Open Book's sea of 2D and 3D print possibilities, nearby in Plymouth, the Green River Stone Company, this image on the left from the web page about them, had already been fishing the shale in a private Wyoming quarry in order to Supply Fossil Fish Murals and Stone Products for Interior Design —Fossil record of evidence of opulence, my onions diced on the complex surface of chances, knife marks and their role models of fossil fin structure make good on parallel worlds. Green River fish in stone escape the wearying analysis to come for the Dove fish (keep reading); these rest pretty
with a hope of mistaken identity as fancy mutant feathers of alternative stone scriptures—
Yes; it could have been routine pistil, stigma, sepal, a week-old petal mapped with creases of opened origamia net on an Anoka wicker table with Aunt Belvia in cap and gown, highest honors, a picture I could look like,
if drained of just about all my color: I’m Muddy Puddle
[As Walela sings in I Have No Indian Name (buy at iTunes, Amazon), I have no Indian name though I was named by an Indian. There are names for the specifics of my mix, but I don't use them; they don't help me know me better. This I understand (as I did saying this at the Open Book in Minneapolis to celebrate this understanding within a celebration of the Poetry Society of America's centennial): I'm forkergirl of the muddy puddle, the mud and bifurcations helping me slide into and out of a host of inexact translations where sometimes I leave more than I take away, and sometimes take away more than I leave.]
[On the right is an image of a puddle portal in Minneapolis, captured during an exchange between forkergirl of the muddy puddle, light, atmosphere, the amoeba of water (also like the splat of fried-egg-shaped aliens —Denevans— that invaded Mr. Spock who went blind, during the radiation to purge his system of them, until his own alien eyelid raised, taking the blindness with it [mine persists, left eye only —one-eye forkergirl of the muddy puddle ((muddy from a galactic tail being stirred into it before it settles down into a piece of ghetto stained glass.))])
that conceals a mix on an Anoka afternoon, flower drooping over graduation photo frame like a lamppost trying to inject its last light into itself leaning against my Coon Rapids aunt's chin's witness to a fish in stone, geologic origami folding the planet into a pop-up book: mountains, silos, and Mount Olympus theme park coasters popping out like other badly kept secrets of the most powerful trance I know: Memory too will granulate, to be flecked and scattered all over the place, universal placement of constellations, bright enough to fill, but don’t, the universe of glowing traces of identity my aunt gave to Huntington's,
movement that with enough distance reduces to shimmer: What every net cast fails to catch.
[The fish] is weary
of analysis, the small
predictable truths
--if only worlds smashed, when a puddle is trampled, could bleed or trumpet and not just ripple an attempt to transmit messages across light years of prairie-flat space
all chokeberried out, replete with Saskatoon berry bushes, needle and thread grass shimmering like fledgling wings experiencing what looks like delight below cascades of brightness rippling over fields as mock swarms of birds changing direction to unheard music, the profound human deafness that confronts most vibration, molecular frenzy deep in the rock stroking the fish, laying down rutted outlines of seismic devotion, held as securely as those in eighteenth century lunatic asylums —what is hungriest there
In the ocean the silence
moves and moves
and so much is unnecessary!
If we would eat more soup with a fork, we'd understand that more slips through openings than tines can, than tines are supposed to retain;
seems we base everything to which we've given a base on remnants, bits and pieces that shouldn't fit together because so much is missing;
yet who can deny, lifting the fork so limited in what it does, sharing limitations of its makers; who can deny, the fork with its partial catch of fish remnants lifted toward incandescence and therefore also toward everything incandescence anoints (we say if we are generous, anointing things almost desperately, perhaps defending against there not really being any permanence or meaning that can come only from that)--
As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly,
you leave marks behind, however small. And in return,
life - and travel - leaves marks on you.
Most of the time, those marks - on your body or on your heart - are beautiful.
Often, though, they hurt
— Anthony Bourdain (The Nasty Bits: Collected Varietal Cuts, Useable Trim, Scraps, and Bones)
--who can deny those sticky gleaming bits of translucent fish bits hanging from fork teeth like jellyfish tentacles or bleached streamers of antler velvet, or tatters of flags and banners, anything can be coveted, taken to a moment when salvage accrues significance, anything the fork snares and keeps for just a moment before those particles of splendid incompleteness fall through the openings into other unseen, unproven opportunities, perhaps —I hope so— a meaninglessness which might be the only way to wipe off all pretense once and for all uncovering
the moment to cast his fork of
skeletal blossom
stretch mark tines of reach not cluttered with grasp
The fish in the stone
knows to fail is
to do the living
a favor.
He knows why the ant
engineers a gangster's
funeral, garish
and perfectly amber
unrequited request for sainthood, lack of recognition
keeping the amber coffin free of corruption, sacred impossibility,
antiseptic, sacred vacuum
He knows why the scientist
in secret delight
strokes the fern's
voluptuous braille:
Aunt Belvia's eyelids veined with stick figure statues, stick figure promises of ho-hum basic stop motion animation
making us weep, simple Jesus remnant resisting an imprint of the penny's Lincoln Memorial that made me wish, when I saw it with her, that palaces were necessary
when anything can gleam briefly, stellar magnitude fades during every bright moment, blasts itself away, satisfied for having known radiance at all
Good-bye Aunt Belvia
resurrected temporarily in even brighter memory
(is this amber a chunk of wayward flame?
at home beside Lichtenberg figures of captured lightning electron paths
failing to find the god particles they are generating
while bifurcating in Lucite into forests,
each branch a mini big bang, group of revivals, more minor resurrections,
relentless risings, a general upness, bipedalism)
oh, ah, ah, ah
then it's over, a finish the ever-luminous --even just an idea of immortality-- dulls.
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If you're tired of tasteless ideas that fill you with empty mental calories unable to satisfy your cravings for more complex thinking that won't turn to brain flab; if you secretly crave more dimensions to meanings that may or may not prove impossible well beyond current limits on lifespan, meanings that can be part alternative and part antidote to catchy pop refrains and marketing jingles that are often like sonic roaches, then take the moxie supper path to the moxie supper diet that allows you to gain mental weight while sloughing some flab of superficiality.
A video Appetizer from a gray matter kitchen:
An unfinished (active) moxie supper path map —waiting for additions, adjustments, extensions:
Bon Appétit!
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