tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25416547035756699302024-03-05T02:50:31.090-08:00MOXIE SUPPERspunk (bold ideas) on a plate for hungry minds to gobble upforker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-69518768772325048392019-04-25T17:20:00.000-07:002019-04-25T17:20:45.915-07:00Thingdom!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I would like to announce a Thingdom at last with Mr. Bob Holman; yeah this blogger Forker Gryle, now age 64 at last has something official with a man I have loved for a number of years.<br />
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We have known each other more than 30 years. We go a long way back!<br />
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Will say more from Time to time, right nw, this 64-year-old woman is riding high<br />
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Yea!</div>
forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-38879665208322441732018-05-07T17:54:00.002-07:002018-05-07T17:54:46.545-07:00LIVING LIFE & LOVING IT!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I am now happily 64, survivor of much, and finally in love! --yes, the love I was looking for all my life. is finally mine.<br />
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I was married for forty years to an infertile man I met when I was a teenager after being raped by a deacon in my mother's church, and becoming<br />
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pregnant from that rape when I was 15, having an abortion as I did not want to be a teenager with a baby. And I waited and I waited, and finally after my divorce, a man I had known for many years approached and I had the best experience possible to have from physical closeness. And I love this man with all my heart. Love is worth waiting for indeed.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and my Thing in Chicago on a bridege</td></tr>
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<br />I also had a son, now 26 years old, thanks to the generosity of a sperm donor in Cambridge , Massachusetts. As my ex-spouse was infertile and also mean. My son has a verified genius level IQ and is a member of Mensa, the High IQ society ; in fact,, he became a member when he was four years old.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The best o f life is just no happening when I am nearly a senior citizen, age 64, and survivor of the rupture of a cranial aneurysm that I like to think of as the blossoming of a stunning pink flower in my head, a rupture that had to happen in order for me and my Thing to get together. Although we were already friends, he waited until after I was divorced to approach me differently, and I love him just for that, but so much more than that. Our first date was a Dream Date in Chicago, and this is what I wore on the flight (based on soemthign my exspoude said. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">my "Dream Baby" dress. what my Thing calls me</td></tr>
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The dress I wore on my last date in Chicago with him. We ate at Vermillion Indian Latin Cuisine. in facet my very first Kiss with this man in the back seat of a taxi, was so exceptional, so throughly transforming, it was as if I had never been kissed before in my life, so I had to write my Dream Date weekend, a book called,"<i>New Kiss Horizon</i>"<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Can my Thing ever kiss!</div>
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How I looked recently, a multiracial woman who has never added into my hair. who has never used a relaxer or extensions. I haven't had to, thank you. And please be thankful for whatever you've got. fo! s long as you are alive there is a chance! </div>
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How I looked recently . this year.</div>
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Life is good indeed! No matter your age. Just make it a good life, and believe!forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-67875652668844480722017-08-29T05:13:00.000-07:002019-04-25T17:29:17.210-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jk89cm29wuo&t=192s" target="_blank"><br /></a>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: "youtube noto" , "roboto" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jk89cm29wuo&t=192s" target="_blank">All about my hat, a gift from Thomas Robert Higginson. Ansted Moss composed and performed the music that I arranged, and also performed the vocals, derived from poems written by co-learners (members) of a graduate writing learning community. I was most eager to honor a most special hat. And lucky that a co-learner happened to write a poam about a "Fedora"</a></span><br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jk89cm29wuo" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jk89cm29wuo</a>forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-79772163592331111942017-08-20T04:43:00.000-07:002017-08-20T12:54:36.595-07:00I Want to BeA terrible question often asked of people, children in particular, when they are far too young to answer given inexperience,<br />
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Those who ask are often seeking an answer that is an occupation or career:<br />
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"I Want to Be" a nurse.<br />
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"I Want to Be" a doctor<br />
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"I Want to be" a pilot.<br />
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etc.<br />
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What about states of being? --that is what comes to my mind, not a career. I am more of a dreamer like "Olivia Pig"<br />
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"I Want to Be" a good person<br />
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"I Want to Be" compassionate<br />
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"I Want to Be" giving<br />
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"I Want to Be" honest<br />
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"I Want to Be" loving<br />
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"I Want to Be" forgiving.<br />
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When I was an instructor at Phillips Academy, my son was bombarded with this question. He was only a toddler, and could not then answer effectively, according to responses expected by the asker. so I immediately wrote this book , that Jerry Pinkney, the illustrator reads on YouTube:<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/3IywMW1jpjo/0.jpg" frameborder="0" height="266" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/3IywMW1jpjo?feature=player_embedded" width="320"></iframe></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF7i9wJqICqpDxLSKT3MDLsn2DoogcZzZRLLspTTxvlEtV0HGnTasRz1L_fB7aH83VjZ07wUuspfpeYNnHv6lBty26YE5GVQGaAVkKV3AOaP8kbR10Xnu6je51T9I4pL19Uf5w6rgUf14/s1600/03.I+Want+to+Be.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1229" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhF7i9wJqICqpDxLSKT3MDLsn2DoogcZzZRLLspTTxvlEtV0HGnTasRz1L_fB7aH83VjZ07wUuspfpeYNnHv6lBty26YE5GVQGaAVkKV3AOaP8kbR10Xnu6je51T9I4pL19Uf5w6rgUf14/s320/03.I+Want+to+Be.jpg" width="245" /></a></div>
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<br />forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-91810805090594797962017-07-04T19:15:00.002-07:002017-08-20T13:23:35.337-07:00<br />
JUST RETURNED FROM MEXICO!<br />
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(Here is what I filmed upon my return to Detroit Metro Airport:<br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8lDREuzrBQ&t=488s" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8lDREuzrBQ&t=488s</a><br />
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I WAS THERE FOR THE <i><a href="http://www.cultura.cdmx.gob.mx/comunicacion/nota/0497" target="_blank">DIVERSOS POETRY FESTIVAL! </a></i><br />
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in Mexico City!<br />
<br />
What a wonderful time I had!<br />
<br />
I read the poem, "If You see Something, Say Something", a collaboration written with a poetry friend of mine, his poem appeared first:<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQyQQHj0DlPkxtultHYNm9pw5BGHPnvNzyw0sFUcFosOYr_MOnJQ43e05tLqMrO5wvebI8ELJWn1cdVmrg4AkRqQwuwo0vRB8TKvw2U1X50NMKvsdMJInkAlZvrFwDtAjduH7QWp9yVC0/s1600/If+You+see+something%252C+say+something.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="409" data-original-width="418" height="312" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQyQQHj0DlPkxtultHYNm9pw5BGHPnvNzyw0sFUcFosOYr_MOnJQ43e05tLqMrO5wvebI8ELJWn1cdVmrg4AkRqQwuwo0vRB8TKvw2U1X50NMKvsdMJInkAlZvrFwDtAjduH7QWp9yVC0/s320/If+You+see+something%252C+say+something.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
then came my poem of the same title, a collaboration published by <b><a href="https://thefiddlehead.ca/issue/268" target="_blank">The Fiddlehead</a> </b>of Canada (as follows:<br />
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">--in response to: "If you See something, Say something"</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"><i> --Thomas Robert Higginson</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">"If you See something, Say Something</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Banana"</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">white shadow</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">crescent moon</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Wax (ing)</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Wax banana</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">Wax grapes, apples</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">in bowls</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">On my mother's dining room table</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">lunch</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">kitchen sink</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">I see this also</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">my father washing dishes</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">scalding water</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">his skin</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">down the drain</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">plates clean, heavenly,</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">full of banana water spots</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">we eat the shadows.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">two of which</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">are my father's</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">diseased lungs</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: normal; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">yet I float on clouds</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">into such a clean, pure kingdom</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;">that nothing else matters</span></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: normal; min-height: 16px;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">just a banana which I eat the moment I arrive.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">Buddha</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;">in suds.</span></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div>
<br />
<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Garamond; font-size: 14px; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span></div>
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<div style="-webkit-text-stroke: #000000; color: black; font: 14.0px 'Times New Roman'; margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; min-height: 16.0px;">
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<span style="font-kerning: none;"></span></div>
<div style="color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 12px; line-height: normal;">
copyright © 2016 by Thylias Moss. Published by arrangement with the author. All rights reserved., initially published in "<a href="https://thefiddlehead.ca/issue/268" target="_blank">The Fidddlehead </a>of Canada, a fine journal </div>
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<br /></div>
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There is not a finer poet with whom to collaborate. I am indebted to him for this poem, and always will be.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: normal;">
<span style="color: #454545; font-family: "helvetica neue";"><span style="font-size: 12px;">A photo of my father, the one my poem is about. He died in 1980, before I had even published a book, (now I have thirteen, including a romance novel: </span></span><i><b style="color: #454545; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue'; font-size: 12px;">New Kiss Horizon. </b><span style="color: #454545; font-family: "helvetica neue";"><span style="font-size: 12px;">He never met his only biological grandchild, my son, who will be 26 this month.</span></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i> mi padre. </i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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<i>He was called, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mole_sauce" target="_blank">Mole</a> (after the Mexican Sauce -moh-lay)</i></div>
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<br />forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-23106496718890128052015-11-20T04:53:00.000-08:002017-08-20T13:00:16.253-07:00REMEMBERING TO FORGIVE! and thanks to Sperm Donor #513<br />
A day to share with others, no matter what, and a day, like all days
to be sure that all are forgiven! That's what today is for me! -- as
2014 draws to a close, and as 2015 draws near closure I want all who have ever crossed my path to know
that they are forgiven! --Anything that has ever been done to me, for
whatever reason: all is forgiven! because <a href="http://www.languagemattersfilm.com/" target="_blank">"</a><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><a href="http://www.languagemattersfilm.com/" target="_blank" title="language matters">language matters</a></span>"
--language of what we say, don't say! --language of how we hurt, heal,
soothe; language of how we touch, how we interact, how we believe, how
we praise, how we denounce, how we live, blame, <br />
<br />
--I don't want this day, this moment this season to end without my
spreading forgiveness to all! --including (and especially Charles Jones:
a reason for my spiraling): I forgive him for being the first man to
get me pregnant without my permission, without my consent; I forgive him for all of that; I forgive his brother
Gregory, for introducing me to Charles, his older brother; I forgive
them all. I forgive Blondell; I forgive Everest Tucker, I forgive
Michelle who I hope will have a good life without me. I will no longer pretend to be her mother, she has a living mother. I forgive Dennis, a son who I
hope will also forgive me, no matter how or why he became a son, first baby I got to raise as my own; my ex-spouse felt adoption would be "fair", neither one of us related; but I do point out that he was related to his niece, and that was a disastrous period of my life. I still wanted to have a baby of my own, and I could, still wanted to experience pregnancy, and I did; thanks to a generous sperm donor.<br />
<br />
Though he is nameless, I thank him so much for what he did, <b>Donor 513, via Fairfax Cryobank</b>: thank you very much. If my son has siblings, they are all through you. All I know is that he sis Bangladeshi, and free of AIDS, all my ex-husband said to me, "Didn't I consider AIDS?" This is my gratitude right here. Though you don't know him, the son I had through you is marvelous in every way.. Perhaps someday you will meet. He was born in the summer of 1991... I became pregnant in 1990 through Boston IVF, in Cambridge, Massachusetts.<br />
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first photo of my son<br />
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Thylias enjoying the last weeks of pregnancy,<br />
North Andover, Massachusetts, 1991<br />
<br />
My ex-spouse forbade me from pursuing this unique pleasure, sought to deny me the opportunity to be pregnant because he couldn't accept his own infertility. He must come to terms with whatever life brings. I do not chose to have MS, but have accepted it....My physiological functioning is miraculous to be sure. I survived an aneurysm rupture which also led to dissolution of the marriage, and while as a single woman, I haven't always made the best choices, I still like being single for the first time as an adult. Love will happen; I am not worried about that. <br />
<br />
My ex-spouse couldn't deal with his own infertility, and took it out on me. I
forgive LT Randle, I forgive Dothlyn Smith, (for intruding into my
marriage), I forgive my ex-spouse who permitted , who wanted the intrusion of Ms. Smith into the marriage, and who lied that he ever fathered any pregnancies of mine --he fathered none. I speak only the truth. --sorry if I didn't mention you by name --but you are in fact forgiven! <br />
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--Without becoming a doormat, I still forgive so many, all --and I hold no grudge; All are absolved<br />
--I carry into 2015 none of what has happened to me during my 60 years...<br />
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I am living a new life now, full of the challenges and unknowns of any life. Mine is no different. This will be the last time that I need mention any of this. Chapter is closed. I will not be writing a memooir about being married. I was much too young, a teenager. <i> and it's over now...</i><br />
<b> New chapter in progress...</b><br />
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Girls, please try to avoid my mistakes. On this day in the fall of 2015, I am 61, and here to tell you that there is joy beyond youth.<br />
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Thylias now, age 61, the glow of joy beyond youth.<br />
<br />forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-30242527566955783242015-07-19T21:44:00.001-07:002015-07-19T21:44:04.234-07:00Jerry Pinkney Reads I Want to Be<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/3IywMW1jpjo" width="480"></iframe><br />
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My book, "I Want to Be" by Thylias Moss, illustrated by Jerry Pinkneyforker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-2145129806046382572015-06-04T18:30:00.001-07:002015-06-04T18:30:57.769-07:00Jazmine Sullivan - Bust Your Windows<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/mOzdfaEPaR0" width="459"></iframe>forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-73572373711313701672014-03-30T01:38:00.001-07:002015-10-03T10:07:57.294-07:00Remembering (and serving) some tastes of Survivor Stew<a href="http://moxiesupper.blogspot.com/2014/03/remembering.html?spref=bl">MOXIE SUPPER: Remembering</a>: REMEMBERING I don't want to remember, yet I do; I'd rather be asleep --as if I've eaten something incompatible with my syst...forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-22077158053093326132014-03-28T11:22:00.000-07:002015-12-15T01:52:33.220-08:00Remembering -and looking forward<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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REMEMBERING<br />
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I don't want to remember, yet I do; I'd rather be asleep --as if I've eaten something incompatible with my system. Something I can't digest --though I've had many years to get used to it.<br />
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I'm recalling --though I don't want to-- THE DAY when my deceased ex-father-in-law said I wasn't a <a href="http://trishdiggins.com/2013/12/03/yes-im-her-real-mother/" target="_blank">"real mother</a>" because I'd adopted my children, one of whom was his niece --didn't matter to him (he also didn't come to my wedding, for which I made all dresses in the wedding party except my wedding gown) .... Clearly the way he defined "what constituted "<a href="http://trishdiggins.com/2013/12/03/yes-im-her-real-mother/" target="_blank">real</a>" differed extremely from ways in which I defined "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Real_number" target="_blank">real</a>" / "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reality" target="_blank">realities</a>".... So what was the equivalent of a "<a href="http://trishdiggins.com/2013/12/03/yes-im-her-real-mother/" target="_blank">real" mother</a>?<br />
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<br />
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Evidently, <a href="http://www.babycenter.com/fetal-development-inside-your-womb">a child had to grow in your own womb</a> --not sure how he felt about <a href="http://www.livescience.com/43157-embryo-implant-signals-pregnancy.html">implanted embryos</a> or <a href="http://www.surrogatesacrossamerica.com/">surrogates</a> when a womb was insubstantial or unavailable, sill producing <a href="http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/03/090323143908.htm">viable eggs</a> despite a <a href="https://www.facebook.com/underthereddress">hysterectomy</a>, for instance. And I was "real" enough, standing right in front of him on his porch, beside his son --to whom I was married --and even then we knew, although my then-spouse remained silent; we knew that it wasn't "my" fault --not that <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melanie-notkin/the-truth-about-the-childless-life_b_3691069.html">childlessness</a> must endure "blame" --how embarrassing for my spouse at the time, to have to admit that "<a href="http://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/menshealth/conditioninfo/pages/infertility.aspx">HE" WAS THE REASON</a> FOR THE <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/melanie-notkin/the-truth-about-the-childless-life_b_3691069.html">CHILDLESSNESS </a>of the marriage! --yet every doctor visited always <a href="http://www.theafa.org/article/psychological-issues-in-male-factor-infertility/">ASSUMED THAT I WAS THE REASON!</a> --but I wasn't, having been raped when I was fifteen, and getting pregnant from that rape (I knew I could get pregnant) --didn't have that baby --just as I shouldn't have, despite those <a href="http://www.rebeccakiessling.com/Othersconceivedinrape.html">children of rape</a> who managed to grow up without (<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wound_healing#Proliferative_phase">visible)</a> scars of their conception (and I shouldn't have had that baby.... I was much too young, and would have changed my life significantly, I imagine --can't say for sure since I didn't take that route of being a teenager (would have been 16 when that child would have been born; was craving popcorn when my pregnancy could no longer be hidden at home... <a href="http://www.aftersilence.org/rape-trauma-syndrome.php">never talked about this! --never said a word! --completely altered my behavior at school</a>... I started sitting in the backs of classrooms, and said nothing! --absolutely nothing! --was pushed through corridors by movements of crowds; grades plummeted --didn't matter to me how I performed! --I recalled how <a href="http://www.nashvillescene.com/pitw/archives/2014/03/11/its-not-the-victims-responsibility-to-stop-rape">I'd done nothing to try to stop this older man</a>, deacon at <a href="http://www.yellowpages.com/cleveland-oh/mip/assembly-baptist-church-801345">my mother's church</a>, from violating me! --<a href="http://www.cga.ct.gov/2003/olrdata/jud/rpt/2003-r-0376.htm">he was 25, I was 15</a>!<br />
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But there I was, standing beside<a href="http://www.cga.ct.gov/2003/olrdata/jud/rpt/2003-r-0376.htm"> the man (age 23) who met me when I was still 16</a>, just weeks after a <a href="http://www.motherjones.com/media/2013/09/film-review-after-tiller-third-trimester-abortion">third-trimester abortion</a> in New York State, where it was legal in 1970... Of course, he's stated that he did nothing wrong, nothing for which he had no permission; I <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape">consented to everything, one way or anothe</a>r... developed a dependence on him, similar, perhaps, to <a href="http://counsellingresource.com/lib/therapy/self-help/stockholm/">those who begin to "love" their jailers, their captors</a>.... Anyway, I was in another situation over which I had no control.... Even married him....<br />
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After a few years of marriage <a href="http://www.resolvenewengland.org/2012/06/the-impact-of-male-infertility/">my ex-spouse was certainly aware that he was the one unable to procreate</a>, despite what doctors seemed to think, as I was consistently the one "blamed" for the childless marriage --so we adopted children and became a family instead of a couple, first his niece (when she was seven, because her mother, [as did her mother's identical twin sister [[reminds me a bit --though an entirely different case-- of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/June_and_Jennifer_Gibbons">Gibbons sisters of "Silent Twins"</a>]] my ex-spouse's sister (as did her identical twin), lost custody of her five children for neglect), then in an attempt to appease me, a son, first baby I ever held and was allowed to bring home as my own!.... We had those two children with us when my ex-father-in-law told me that I wasn't a <a href="http://trishdiggins.com/2013/12/03/yes-im-her-real-mother/">"real" mother</a>..... And my ex-spouse could have said something then, but didn't to his father --who also didn't come to the wedding.... Allowed me to be the one responsible.... But by then, we knew! --after visits to so many f<a href="http://www.bostonivf.com/">ertility clinics</a> --he was told that he'd <a href="http://www.hisandherhealth.com/component/content/article/71-fertility/46-the-male-crisis-in-understanding-and-reacting-to-infertility">unlikely (not "impossible" as he continued to mention) father a biological child</a>... We tried <a href="http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/guide/in-vitro-fertilization">in vitro fertilization</a> three times ($10,000.00 each attempt, to no avail; just <a href="http://www.asrm.org/Medications_for_Inducing_Ovulation/">a lot of injections</a> I had to take to ripen eggs sooner, and in a quantity large enough for harvesting. No success. I, of course, was getting older, and by then we lived in Massachusetts.... But not, according to my ex-spouse, "too old" --I could have waited; "<a href="http://www.parenting.com/article/misconception-low-sperm-count-no-big-deal">all it took was one sperm!</a>" he insisted, and he had at least one as <a href="http://www.eggfreezing.com/egg-freezing-requirements.html"><i>I grew older and older by the minute</i></a>.... But <a href="http://www.parenting.com/article/misconception-low-sperm-count-no-big-deal">his few million sperm needed to be healthy, motile and not misshapen, needed to be active and able to penetrate the egg</a>... They couldn't. Not even in a Petri dish where the sperm didn't have to swim very far to get to the egg....<br />
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But how could he know this until a partner failed to conceive, failed to become pregnant?<br />
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I hesitate to mention it, but <a href="https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/neglect/chaptertwo.cfm">that adoption of the niece was disastrous</a>; she was seven when we adopted her --<a href="https://www.blogger.com/">to keep her in the family</a>; --we were asked if we would take a child, and I said the youngest, knowing <a href="http://www.swarthmore.edu/SocSci/Linguistics/Papers08/trevinthesis.pdf">the role of age of the child in which interventions are attempted</a>; I thought that we might have a chance with only the youngest; <a href="http://www.yummybubby.com/2009/10/the-first-seven-years-of-a-childs-life/"><i>she was seven, beyond the age when influence in our Massachusetts home</i></a>, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andover,_Massachusetts">wealthy pocket</a> some 23 miles north of Boston could exert significant changes in her and her life, after she accompanied me in my second year of graduate study to <a href="http://www.ci.durham.nh.us/">Durham New Hampshire</a>, right after she came to live with us, and when she was eight, stole money from the teacher's purse. January.<br />
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It was winter, and <a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:BerlinNewHampshireSnow.jpg">NEW HAMPSHIRE SNOW</a> fell prodigiously. Here and there were animal tracks like forks, and hoarfrost patterns on windows that my cheeks tried to pilfer, pressed against these panes. Loved the spray when wind stirred up the powdery snow, twirled it and released it so that it fell again rather lacy. I couldn't wait to make bootprints. <a href="http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:BerlinNewHampshireSnow.jpg">NEW HAMPSHIRE SNOW</a>.<br />
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<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Durham,_New_Hampshire"><i>Durham</i></a> was a wonderful small town, and our niece (so that she'd remain in the family when her mother --whose identical twin also lost custody of her children, for similar reasons of neglect-- lost custody and the children were removed from the home) was there stealing money. I read to her daily, and she performed okay in the <a href="http://www.orcsd.org/"><i>Oyster River Schools</i></a> (other than stealing the money)... What a change this way of life was for her; if we were in touch, I'd ask her how it felt to live in New Hampshire.... What did she think of the mountains? of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Man_of_the_Mountain"><b>Franconia Notch, and the Old Man of the Mountain</b></a>? Did this environment have the effect on her life that I'd hoped it would? What was it like for her to live on a college campus? --to eat in the dining hall? --to watch me study and also teach? (I was a TA). She moved with us, of course to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andover,_Massachusetts">Andover Massachusetts</a> where I worked at <a href="http://www.andover.edu/Pages/default.aspx"><i>Phillips Academy</i></a> right after grad school --that's when problems really escalated.... she discovered boys --started staying out all night with them --but couldn't take advantage of the tuition reduction! --we would only have had to pay 10% of tuition [<a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/26/business/26prep.html?pagewanted=all&_r=1&">10% of about $20,000.00</a>] had she been able scholastically, intellectually, and emotionally to attend PA --<a href="http://www.aboutourkids.org/articles/how_important_are_first_three_years_baby039s_life">however, having missed those first eight (including nine month of pregnancy, so roughly another year</a>), meant that any influence of these new --and wealthy!-- in the space of PA environments didn't change her enough to allow her to take advantage of all that the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Northern_boundary_of_Massachusetts">northern Massachusetts</a> setting had to offer....<br />
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Better to have made a total break. She will never be part of my life again.<br />
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<a href="https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/usermanuals/neglect/chaptertwo.cfm">She was twelve when she started running away.</a>... and twelve when police brought her back. She began running away every weekend, and I resorted to locking the door to her room to try to keep her there, but that proved ineffective as <a href="http://www.originsnsw.com/mentalhealth/id4.html"><i>she climbed out the window in order to run away</i></a>! --initially from <a href="http://andoverma.gov/about/" target="_blank"><i>Andover, Massachusetts</i></a> to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lawrence,_Massachusetts"><i>Lawrence, Massachusetts</i></a>; this occurred for years! --until she was 17, when she ran away for the last time, back to the state in which she'd lived before the attempted rescue via adoption! --I grew weary of all this running away! --quite a paper trail evolved! --a each time the police became involved, a record was kept! --I'd never been involved with the police! --they became like members of the family! --when she ran away for what was the last time, she told authorities in that mid-western state that we'd put her out, but this wasn't true, of course (she was also a <a href="http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/articles/pathological-lying-symptom-or-disease" target="_blank">pathological liar</a>, and had been for years); by then; had to hire a lawyer in the state to which she ran, but we had extensive documentation, from the police, and this lawyer said that he'd never seen documentation as extensive as what I had, so when he presented this evidence in court, the judge was impressed, and rescinded the adoption! I couldn't travel because I was pregnant --after my ex-spouse announced that:<a href="http://www.resolvenewengland.org/2012/06/the-impact-of-male-infertility/" target="_blank"><i><b> if he couldn't have children, then neither could I!</b></i></a> --I was almost thirty-seven and nearing an age when it wouldn't be optimal for my body to try to sustain a pregnancy; fertility would decline, and I also knew that I could get pregnant, so for a full year before executing my plan I prepared my body for a new life! --I was ready, no longer a teenager, and quite accomplished, having published several volumes of poetry and having won several awards, which PA didn't require, but the private high school had only minors attending, including the son of <a href="http://www.dickgregory.com/" target="_blank"><i>Dick Gregory</i></a> (Yohance Gregory), <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patrick_J._Kennedy" target="_blank"><i>Patrick Kennedy</i></a>, younger half-brother of <a href="http://www.sade.com/us/home/" target="_blank"><i>Sade</i></a> --<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sade_Adu" target="_blank"><i>Soji Adu</i></a>, and a middle-eastern Princess, I was told, whose parents sent her to PA to escape various situations, and the age of these minors, meant that they required 24/7 care, and the "best" housing --all provided by PA was in dormitories, so taking a dorm was advised! --if you wanted prime housing, huge houses --head "master" resided in a while mansion in the center of campus --and we slaves resided in lesser accommodations<br />
<br />
--while I was at PA, my final year there, I had six job offers to six different universities, including the <a href="http://www.unh.edu/" target="_blank">University of New Hampshire</a> where I'd been a graduate student... This seemed extraordinary to me! One job offer came from the <a href="https://www.umich.edu/" target="_blank">University of Michigan</a> in Ann Arbor, an offer I accepted, after the contract was re-written to give my then spouse a job, as I refused to come unless he was also employed, so a job was "created" for him! --I spoke up, although he didn't as we stood on that porch....<br />
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I had to delay my start at the <a href="https://www.umich.edu/" target="_blank">University of Michigan</a> because I was pregnant, and there was no problem with the delay... As I said earlier, <b>I became concerned when my then-spouse announced that if he couldn't have children, then neither could I! As I lived only about 23 miles north of <a href="http://www.bostonivf.com/" target="_blank"><i>Boston/Cambridge</i></a>, and as I'd prepared my body for a pregnancy, I realized I was in an ideal location for a sperm donor. To appease me, my then spouse agreed that adopting another child, a baby would be fine, and made us equal, as neither one of us would be related to that infant; so that's what happened</b>.... We adopted a baby, a healthy baby from Massachusetts, <b>the other child that my ex-spouse's father referred to when he announced that I wasn't a <a href="http://trishdiggins.com/2013/12/03/yes-im-her-real-mother/" target="_blank"><i>"real" mother...</i></a></b><br />
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<b><i>--If other players here tell this story, they can't possibly offer MY
point of view! --only their own! --which can't be like mine. This
healthy boy has grown into a man, and he's innocent of all of this! --he
was just a baby, and had no input into what was happening.... He didn't
know until he was an adult that he was adopted at all... But this was
information he needed to have. He was born to a teenage girl in Boston;
she was the age I would have been had I actually had the baby from my
first pregnancy from the rape. Perhaps the way I told him he was
adopted wasn't the best way, but he did need to be told, since he hadn't
figured it out. So much deception in this small family... I'm sorry
for everything I did wrong... Except for getting pregnant a second time
and actually having that baby! --something I had to do, and time was
running out. I hope that he understands my situation also...
Point of view is about all we have, and this is mine; presented from my
perspective --just as valid as any other. I mean no hard feelings for
anyone-- </i></b><br />
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<b>But I was <a href="http://www.bravotv.com/the-real-housewives-of-atlanta" target="_blank">as real as anyone!</a></b><br />
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But I did want to pass on some of the <a href="http://motherboard.vice.com/blog/intelligence-and-genetics-do-some-people-inherit-an-edge" target="_blank">genetic bounty I'd received</a>,<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intellectual_giftedness" target="_blank"> in classes for the for the gifted since first grad</a>e, the <a href="http://www.clevelandmetroschools.org/Page/286" target="_blank">enrichment program, initially, then major work for the "super-gifted"</a> (4th grade - 12th grade; for which I had to be sent for testing by staff psychologists), --the only way to pass along these intellectual gifts was to have a biological child! --and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiracial_American" target="_blank"><b>my father was a mixed race man,</b></a> mostly <a href="http://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/the-cherokees-vs-andrew-jackson-277394/?no-ist" target="_blank"><i>Cherokee</i></a> (as I've been told) --I wanted to pass on that heritage also! he died in 1980, the year before I graduated first in my class and <a href="https://www.pbk.org/home/index.aspx" target="_blank"><i>Phi Beta Kappa</i></a> from Oberlin! --graduated with a 4.11 GPA, lowest grade was in an English class, an "A-", so I took English to be my relative weakness; only class in which I didn't attain a ceiling; in every other class, I met expectations, so I focused on English in graduate school.... and filled the space that the "-" created with "<a href="http://www.4orkology.com/" target="_blank"><i>limited fork theory</i></a>"! --how I made "senses" of existences! and (ultimately) movie <a href="http://www.4orkology.com/limited-fork-theory-glossary.php" target="_blank"><i>poams </i></a>--including: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLSXSfnWrzg" target="_blank"><i>Particle Popping</i></a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8XeNHRzRKY" target="_blank"><i>Digging on the Muon Blues</i></a><br />
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And I was getting older; I didn't have much time left! --I was 36, and <a href="http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/03/090323143908.htm" target="_blank">my eggs were getting older by the minute</a>, and I didn't want to risk having a child that suffered because of advanced maternal age... I had to act quickly, despite the edit from my ex-spouse that: "<a href="http://www.hisandherhealth.com/component/content/article/71-fertility/46-the-male-crisis-in-understanding-and-reacting-to-infertility" target="_blank">IF I CAN'T HAVE A CHILD, THEN NEITHER CAN YOU</a>! --I had to act or pregnancy never would have happened; would have been an extinction (there will be anyway; humans won't always be around --and the world keeps changing, pollution and so forth --human aggression, and perhaps another mass extinction via comet?--unless we destroy ourselves)<br />
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<a href="http://www.resolve.org/diagnosis-management/infertility-diagnosis/the-effect-of-egg-quality-on-fertility.html" target="_blank"><i><b><br /></b></i></a>
<a href="http://www.resolve.org/diagnosis-management/infertility-diagnosis/the-effect-of-egg-quality-on-fertility.html" target="_blank"><i><b><br /></b></i></a>
<a href="http://www.resolve.org/diagnosis-management/infertility-diagnosis/the-effect-of-egg-quality-on-fertility.html" target="_blank"><i><b>Egg quality matters!</b></i></a><br />
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But first, I had to be raped, and I had to have a <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/tiller-ignoring-threats-doctors-trimester-abortions/story?id=18233523" target="_blank"><b>third-trimester abortion</b></a>, and I had to get married, and I had to adopt children, and I had to become pregnant by choice, going to a fertility clinic in <a href="http://www.cambridgeusa.org/" target="_blank"><i>Cambridge, Massachusetts</i></a>, after being told that if my then-spouse that if he couldn't have children, then neither could I, as that wouldn't be fair; baby related to me, but not him! --as if I was related to his niece! --I'm not, and her mother, my ex's sister is alive! ---Nor am I going to pretend to be anyone's grandmother or great grandmother-- I don't even know that child; not my responsibility... The biological grandmother and great-grandmother, the same woman, is ALIVE! forge a relationship with her before it's too late. <br />
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my father</div>
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my paternal grandfather <br />
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I also had a need to pass on some of what I considered genetic bounty, and my father (source) was already dead! --I could only pass on some of what I'd received if I had a baby myself! --and I was ready! -- my body was optimized for pregnancy! --and most sperm donors are college students, and being near --23 miles!-- <a href="http://www.harvardsquare.com/" target="_blank">Harvard Square put me right by Harvard university and MIT</a>! (<a href="http://www.fairfaxcryobank.com/" target="_blank"><i>most sperm donors are college students</i></a>, so my location was ideal! --for this indiscretion, that gave me what I almost didn't get to have)--how ideal! --I left the <a href="http://www.fairfaxcryobank.com/" target="_blank">fertility clinic in Cambridge </a>pregnant! --one visit! --I was told that a "good" sample made an enormous difference<i>! </i>I was there only about a half hour. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFrVmDgh4v4" target="_blank"><i>I think that conception happened as I drove home to Andover.</i></a>. and <a href="http://www.livestrong.com/article/244476-benefits-of-reading-to-a-baby-in-the-womb/" target="_blank"><i>began a routine of talking to my baby, singing to my baby, reading everything, in multiple languages to my baby! --English, Spanish, and French! --eating mostly fish and uncooked vegetables</i></a> from <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bread_%26_Circus_%28store%29" target="_blank"><i>Bread and Circus</i></a>! --playing a variety of music for my baby!<br />
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<i><b>--how different this was from when I was fifteen!</b></i><br />
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first photo of my son<br />
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<b><i>Everything was fine! --pregnancy was going smoothly! --I loved every minute!</i></b><br />
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Then I started having <a href="http://www.babycenter.com/0_preterm-labor-and-birth_1055.bc" target="_blank">preterm labor</a>! (for which I was given <a href="http://www.healthline.com/health/pregnancy/preterm-labor-terbutaline" target="_blank"><i>Brethine</i></a>, form of <a href="http://www.drugs.com/cdi/brethine.html" target="_blank"><i>Terbutaline</i></a> --so successful that my baby was born two weeks late, huge thanks to Donor #513, and <a href="https://www.fairfaxcryobank.com/us/" target="_blank">Fairfax Cryobank</a>; two nights before his birth, I ate at <a href="http://www.legalseafoods.com/" target="_blank"><i>Legal Seafoods</i></a>, <a href="http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/id/QAA326587" target="_blank"><i>Arctic Cha</i></a>r, and plenty of vegetables, large salad --undressed--so was put on complete bed rest, and a bill form the fertility clinic came to our Andover, Massachusetts home, a bill they my then spouse brought in and discovered that he wasn't the biological father of my unborn child.... All he said to me was: "<b>Didn't I consider <a href="http://www.aids.gov/" target="_blank">AIDS</a></b>?" --<a href="http://blog.surrogates-eggdonors.com/hiv-positive-sperm-donation-risk-surrogate-mothers/" target="_blank"><i>I had more chance of contracting AIDS from him</i></a> (just a bit of a <a href="http://www.theguardian.com/world/2009/aug/04/philanderer-has-penis-superglued" target="_blank">philanderer</a>) than I had from the fertility clinic, as <a href="http://www.fda.gov/biologicsbloodvaccines/guidancecomplianceregulatoryinformation/guidances/tissue/ucm073964.htm" target="_blank">donors are very well screened</a>! --certified free of disease and genetic disorder! --well-scrutinized! --so my ex-spouse always knew that he wasn't the biological father, and I had the baby I wanted to have....<br />
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<b>A tasty meal indeed!</b><br />
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<i>Of course I was in love (eventually; fluctuated between <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2139882/Kidnap-victim-Elizabeth-Smart-relives-moment-raped-captor-aged-just-14.html" target="_blank">love of my capto</a>r <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome" target="_blank">Stockholm syndrome</a> and, guess I really don't know what "<a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/pictures-that-will-make-you-believe-in-true-love" target="_blank">true love</a>" is like. </i><br />
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<i>Maybe I'll find out now; first time that I'll really choose a man instead of a man choosing himself for me.... --I'd never been with a man --other than the rapist. <span style="font-size: xx-small;">(and now --then-- I was with a <a href="http://www.cga.ct.gov/2003/olrdata/jud/rpt/2003-r-0376.htm" target="_blank" title="statutory rapist">statutory rapist</a>,</span></i><br />
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<i> Everything was new to me, especially touching, as it will be with a new man, as it has already been with a new man... I do like that; I liked to touch to be touched back... and here;s a little example, me reading performing a poem: "Higginson Matters", a text version will be in my forthcoming book of New and Selected Poetry": "<a href="http://thyliasmoss-writer.com/category/wannabe-hoochie-mama-gallery-of-realities-red-dress-code/" target="_blank">Wannabe Hochie Mama Gallery of Realties' Red Dress Code</a>", <a href="http://www.perseabooks.com/about.php" target="_blank">Persea Books</a>, Fall 2016</i><br />
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<i>Took me a long time, to reach this, but I did reach it. And this poem is reaching other points, for how long who knows? --but so exciting to try to reach them! At least I had a chance to know what it's like to be desired, to be told how pretty and beautiful I am, by a man who made me believe it, and was such a perfect lover! --even if only one time, I now can say that I know what it's like to be totally desired! --I had to be 60-years-old before I found out, but let me tell you, I really found out! </i><br />
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<i>I hope that every woman finds her Higginson at least once in a lifetime; who doesn't deserve to know something as wondrous as this? </i><br />
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<i>And I'm so very glad I did! --pleasure that had been only rumors, but now I know, and if only once in my life, this happened!</i><br />
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<b>Me now:</b><br />
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<b> Thylias Moss now, September 2015</b><br />
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<i>My ex-spouse says he was quite popular when he was in the military and <a href="http://www.thenation.com/article/173463/war-against-women-home-and-abroad" target="_blank">had at least 50 girlfriends</a>, probably cheated on them also.</i> I wouldn't know, and hardly matters now... I'm saying this only because this was what my ex denied, what he wanted covered up for the sake of his manhood... Seemed to care very little about the TRUTH.<br />
<i>When I was 17, still a baby --and victim of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Statutory_rape" target="_blank">statutory rape</a>-- I tore up all their pictures </i><br />
<i>(I wouldn't do that now --it's just that he seemed so proud of them, but since he had me,</i><br />
<i> I reasoned that he didn't need them, a childish thing to do --he says he was even engaged to one of them. </i><br />
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<i>He seemed to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discrimination_based_on_skin_color" target="_blank">prefer lighter complexioned mixed women</a>, and he said that women seemed to like him also... quite a bit. That's what made it so puzzling when I found out two weeks after the wedding --we were already "legally" married, had been so for almost two months --so technically, this was <a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/maybe-its-just-me/201003/adultery-is-it-ever-justified" target="_blank">adultery</a>;</i><br />
<i>but <b>two weeks after the wedding, I discovered he'd been having <a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/maybe-its-just-me/201003/adultery-is-it-ever-justified" target="_blank">an affair</a> for nearly two years, </b></i><br />
<i>with someone much more dark-complexioned than me, someone I didn't think he'd ever marry --of course not, he married me! --someone not his type, based on appearance, just someone to f**k, and not bring home, exclusively in the dark - so they'd both blend in!</i><br />
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<i>(how cruel of me to say, as if this still bothers me)</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>--I discovered <a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/maybe-its-just-me/201003/adultery-is-it-ever-justified" target="_blank">this affair</a> quite innocently; I'd called him to invite him home for lunch, and he wasn't there....</i><br />
<br />
<i>He'd gone to see her, meeting her --she was at the door, dressed only in birth control --that she didn't know she didn't need-- lunch of sex! </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>--that's also why I was inviting him home for lunch! --I really had prepared some food, then I was going to feed him something else, even more substantial</i><br />
<i>more lasting on all of his palettes... (except the one for <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intimate_relationship" target="_blank">paramours</a>)</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>--but I was ready when he came home with his grandfather!</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>--I confronted him with evidence, letters from <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/At_the_Bottom_of_the_River" target="_blank">this Island girl</a>--her promises of undying love. <a href="https://www.facebook.com/edwidgedantic" target="_blank">That Island Girl</a>.. <a href="http://www.pbs.org/newshour/art/poet-lorna-goodison-exchanges-paint-for-words-to-make-various-sorts-of-black/" target="_blank">That Island Girl</a> also... Mistress from the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/West_Indies" target="_blank">West Indies</a>, but quite<a href="http://www.biology-online.org/biology-forum/about16091.html" target="_blank"> Africanized </a>(as typically understood, even if incorrectly). </i><br />
<pre><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">And her signed photo, with messages of undying love
written on the back,
her promise that she'd always be available (not true;
she's moved on with her life,and is no longer available to him
--not that he's looking for her or for anyone)
would always love him [recently found her on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/" target="_blank">Facebook</a>,
and didn't friend her,
but told her--in a private message-- I had no hard feelings...
(guess I was just wondering how she looked now,
and what a confirmation I received....
(ouch! --of my own looks) --she's even less his type now....</span></i></pre>
<i> --well, he didn't frame it or leave it sitting out in the open; I really had to dig to find it... </i><br />
<i>and I do wonder how long this affair would have continued, and I wonder </i><br />
<i>how much other </i><i>philandering might have occurred had I not found this stuff, </i><br />
<i>this secret stash?</i><br />
<br />
<pre><span style="font-size: xx-small;">
</span></pre>
<br />
<br />
<i>She was more than willing to offer herself exclusively for sex...</i><br />
<br />
<pre><i><span data-mce-style="font-size: xx-small;" style="font-size: xx-small;">(not really trying to rationalize all this; </span></i></pre>
<pre><i><span data-mce-style="font-size: xx-small;" style="font-size: xx-small;">just want some perspective
as I move on, and I am moving on...
Post-menopausal, so no more biological babies for me.
I mean no harm to my adopted children, both now adults
and as happy as they can be
Under these strained circumstances.
Truth, from my perspective, isn't necessarily pretty,
but it is some truth!
--I owe all of us some truth!
More truth:
Pity that I couldn't give my biological son a sibling;
no way could I repeat
what I did in order to have him...
No idea how many siblings he might have from the donor....
Sure that all of this has wrecked his sense of family....
None of us are perfect! Well,
all of us are are "perfectly" what we are...
--I'm sure that my biological and adopted children
have things they'd change about themselves if they could....</span></i></pre>
<pre><i><span data-mce-style="font-size: xx-small;" style="font-size: xx-small;"> </span></i></pre>
<pre><i><span data-mce-style="font-size: xx-small;" style="font-size: xx-small;">when they can: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p86BPM1GV8M" target="_blank"><b>we're all in progress</b></a>, </span></i></pre>
<pre><i><span data-mce-style="font-size: xx-small;" style="font-size: xx-small;"> </span></i></pre>
<pre><span data-mce-style="font-size: xx-small;" style="font-size: xx-small;"><i>not finished as long as we live, and even then, disintegrate
and becoming feasts for microbes that are making their living,
doing what <a href="http://www.microbeworld.org/what-is-a-microbe" target="_blank">microbes</a> do... (Yes; I enjoyed <a href="http://www.cbs.com/shows/csi/" target="_blank">CSI</a>, among other things,
and various books about anatomical fodder --after all,
humans are part of animal systems
on this planet
and are as edible as anything else that is or becomes edible
--there's much that can be ingested </i>
whether or not it's nutritious, or even designated as food).
My point here is to talk only about what I'm remembering
and connecting to --temporarily-- <a href="http://www.4orkology.com/" target="_blank">none of this is permanent</a><a href="http://www.4orkology.com/" target="_blank"> </a>
via, quite fallible, systems of memory....
Mentioning others only as I must.
Just dressing some of my open wounds.... Just being myself,
less restricted than I've ever been....
but still within (my) limits which keep shifting
--especially with the <a href="http://www.nationalmssociety.org/" target="_blank">MS</a>.
______
Getting back to a remembering marriage track:</span></pre>
<br />
<br />
<br />
What a fantastic brouhaha! --I was livid! How dare he do this! --two years of this! --didn't matter how "pretty" I might have been at nineteen! --"beautiful bride"<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><i><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiXUb5NsW8K0GY_b8Gx9MOjWErs1OCbNuNjCMKrKkSG32nmZchswqeuTGfUHDzpmuQgfWiQ8u-e4UsDYsYhdZx-eEoKxUMyHlnaV7TFw7Iu93wdK8Pb7jJngqLclGHNIFMXhc62yCMSQM/s3200/Bride+Thylias.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiXUb5NsW8K0GY_b8Gx9MOjWErs1OCbNuNjCMKrKkSG32nmZchswqeuTGfUHDzpmuQgfWiQ8u-e4UsDYsYhdZx-eEoKxUMyHlnaV7TFw7Iu93wdK8Pb7jJngqLclGHNIFMXhc62yCMSQM/s3200/Bride+Thylias.JPG" width="305" /></a></i></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Moxie Supper the teenage bride (Thylias Moss)</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
--Ostensibly at first to help her in school; he could never be of help to me in school; I needed no assistance with my studies! <br />
--he was my sexual tutor many years ago, but never my intellectual tutor or suitor.<br />
<br />
--but would I accept this now? No; Hell no!<br />
<br />
<br />
Then I asked him to leave, and he met me at the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tower_City_Center" target="_blank">Rapid Transit station </a>in <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Higbee%27s" target="_blank">Higbee's</a> every<br />
day for two weeks with <a href="http://www.bhg.com/gardening/flowers/roses/fragrant-garden-roses/" target="_blank">roses</a>, <a href="http://rosefarm.typepad.com/blog/2011/10/super-fragrant-roses.html" target="_blank">roses</a>!<br />
<br />
--What exceptional roses they had to be! --<a href="http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-hidden-power-of-scent/" target="_blank">olfactory stimulation</a> persuaded me to relent.... <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.sephora.com/hypnotic-poison-P4484" target="_blank">I want that perfume now! </a><br />
to use for someone else. Move forward, dance with someone else! --not someone so unable to accept his infertility, that he continues to lie to his family, but such lying doesn't alter the Fact! --<b>THERE IS NO BIOLOGICAL CONNECTION BETWEEN MY EX AND MY SON! --NO BIOLOGICAL CONNECTION AT ALL BETWEEN THE MOSS FAMILY AND ME: THYLIAS MOSS, "moss", a name I acquired in marriage... name I've had for 42 years, my "legal" name, all of my books were written by <u>Thylias Moss</u>: most recently: <i>Tokyo Butter </i></b>published by <i>Persea Books</i> in 2007, cover is a USB microscope image I took of a rose from my first cousin funeral, says "Dierdre" in the collection, but my cousin's actual name was Hilda. I still miss her; the closest I ever had as a sister... Her birthday was/is 25 November 1953.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNSTMTnXdbpM5EHo0T3Ha87M7QP077ywBYbt_TJytPFn8ZQL07qDouSP3M0bzGKGHNOpxPe4_FiLgcgQJ9V7_ylr67HEvRtPQMNu8iMTa5AwwMgexUW7WxyegO4oRNDN5d-zpacpjcmtk/s1600/Tokyo+Butter.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNSTMTnXdbpM5EHo0T3Ha87M7QP077ywBYbt_TJytPFn8ZQL07qDouSP3M0bzGKGHNOpxPe4_FiLgcgQJ9V7_ylr67HEvRtPQMNu8iMTa5AwwMgexUW7WxyegO4oRNDN5d-zpacpjcmtk/s320/Tokyo+Butter.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
and then I relented, welcomed him back home, and remained married for 40 years. But now I'm out of that and all those lies! --that he fathered four more pregnancies with me, that all ended in miscarriage! Completely untrue! only two pregnancies in y life --the first when I was 15, conceived as a consequence of rape, and the second when I was thirty-six and determined to have a sperm donor biological father, a man more like me, a man with a graduate degree, a man who reads books, a man who offers me much more than I had in my marriage...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Win some, lose some, and keep on going! </b><br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>---- </b><br />
Just<b> </b>a dose of ever-evolving perspective...<br />
Necessary to update my views --not apologize for them,<br />
for this is what happened, from the point of view I had<br />
when I awakened in the hospital from the rupture of a cranial<br />
aneurysm --may look a bit different tomorrow,<br />
what I don;t accept are the lies! the claiming to be the biological father<br />
of my only biological child, that I almost didn't get to have because of him!<br />
<br />
He didn't dance with me at my prom, he took me; I was only 17, and he didn't dance with me at the wedding either and here's how I looked for the prom:<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQhVGBNailmgJ7OEUlemkQfh9Xiags-p32SV_0CbePhq7DSqH2XKEXRZj0zwy0WzafCCohelhdU4sUlYLce46jvvSG-bwvmeUUjH6cbynowywTEDejRD5tmdK7l6v0j7zM1PAVtvL0D_g/s1600/Prom+Thylias+%252817+years+old%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQhVGBNailmgJ7OEUlemkQfh9Xiags-p32SV_0CbePhq7DSqH2XKEXRZj0zwy0WzafCCohelhdU4sUlYLce46jvvSG-bwvmeUUjH6cbynowywTEDejRD5tmdK7l6v0j7zM1PAVtvL0D_g/s1600/Prom+Thylias+%252817+years+old%2529.jpg" /></a></div>
I could have danced! <br />
<br />
<br />
But as a blog is a single continuous page; there's room to state whatever<br />
emerges, and those alluded to here remain free to express their own points<br />
of view --I don't expect those involved (to be able) to view<br />
these events as I do,<br />
but they happened....<br />
<br />
<br />forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0Unknown location.37.53293928276986 -84.375-39.298610717230133 110.390625 90 80.859375tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-56521437887321163482014-03-23T17:18:00.000-07:002014-03-28T14:58:01.468-07:00Eating and Healing: some evidence of scars<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Eating my fill - SCARS! </b></span><br />
<br />
I realize I come to this late <a href="http://robynlawson111.com/2014/02/19/103-people-unfriended-her-how-many-would-do-the-same-to-me/" target="_blank">Blog Woman</a>, but how persuasive this post is is! (responding to this <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/rebecca-sparrow-/mastectomy-pictures_b_4781776.html" target="_blank">Huffington Post </a>article —thank you so much for posting! –my scars (repaired head following a rupture of an <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cerebral_aneurysm" target="_blank">aneurysm</a>) wouldn’t photograph nearly as well, but this is absolutely essential! –remnants of what’s left after<a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/william_li#_=_" target="_blank"> cancerous consumptio</a>n! –cancer is very hungry, (hungrier than <a href="http://moxiesupper.com/2014/03/27/remembering/" target="_blank"><b>Moxie Supper</b></a>, who's sometimes just "greedy", but is often finicky --within her greed), and these pictures are a way of also feeding! --eating what’s necessary to survive even better! –I applaud this! -–I guess I too fear some unfriending, for many, many reasons, (some probably deserved, but not all of it; “life” has happened to me also, and I too continue, some form of me continues, only form (my "new normal") there will ever be –ie: this is the form from which changes will be made! –I’ll not remain just as I am, changing by the minute, going on to "I-can’t-say-what-for-sure", but traveling nevertheless… and often happy, often grateful that I can still travel at all! –-feeding on whatever becomes available. Having to feed in order to maintain any form of existence! <br />
<a href="http://robynlawson111.com/2014/02/19/103-people-unfriended-her-how-many-would-do-the-same-to-me/" target="_blank"><br /></a>
<a href="http://robynlawson111.com/2014/02/19/103-people-unfriended-her-how-many-would-do-the-same-to-me/" target="_blank">Blog Woman</a>, I realize that I'm reiterating much of what has been said, but <b><a href="http://robynlawson111.com/2014/02/19/103-people-unfriended-her-how-many-would-do-the-same-to-me/" target="_blank">this is just a wonderful post</a>!</b> I suppose that I don't want to be "<a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Get-over-Being-Unfriended-on-Facebook" target="_blank">unfriende</a>d" either, and certainly not for changes in my body! --unavoidable, I feel, just be living to certain ages! --is a "change" of a way and "rule" of existence? --which seems to be "<a href="https://www.facebook.com/underthereddress" target="_blank">change</a>" --I'm nothing like the promise of me when I was born 60 years ago; I've changed substantially, and I'm not done; even when I die, my body will<b> <a href="http://www.4orkology.com/" target="_blank">continue to change,</a></b> and will be a feast for <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microorganism" target="_blank">microbes</a>, many of which are already with in me, held back by a living status, but when I die (and I will) that status will be invalid, ad those microbes can feat on this tiny body... only about 90 pounds and 4'10" tall... but still enough for a feast.<br />
<br />
I don't have scars that are as visible as <a href="https://www.facebook.com/underthereddress" target="_blank">Beth's</a>; mine are much more invisible (scar from a ruptured <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intracranial_aneurysm" target="_blank">aneurysm</a>; indentation on my head [that was bumpy anyway]), and the blindness, legal blindness, in my left eye due to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Optic_neuritis" target="_blank">optic neuritis</a> due to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiple_sclerosis" target="_blank">MS</a> (diagnosed in 1996, though I'd had MS since graduate school [when symptoms manifested in a first exacerbation in 1981[[face, lower right jaw, attributed to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Test_anxiety" target="_blank">test anxiety</a>, rigors of graduate study; legs next time ~circa 1982/3, swelling [[in my mind]] like <a href="http://forkergirl.typepad.com/a_limited_forker_girls_ti/2007/10/neurological-wi.html" target="_blank">incredible loaves of bread</a>]] then dormant until 1996 --scars inside my body; not outside), and also scars from a <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/c-section/basics/definition/prc-20014571" target="_blank">c-section</a> performed for the birth of my only biological child --old scar still visible from when I fell off a bike, breaking a glass jug of milk --still have scars above my knees from that, and from falling into a barbed wire fence "protecting a small tree lawn in Ohio, --and also <a href="http://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/c-section/basics/definition/prc-20014571" target="_blank">emotional scars </a>after a divorce after forty years when I was a teenager when I married at nineteen, who did a best that she could, becoming pregnant after a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape" target="_blank">rape</a> when I was just fifteen, <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/rapist" target="_blank">rapist </a>was an older man, 25 when I was fifteen. Remembered <a href="http://www.mausherwood.com/" target="_blank">where he worked</a>, this Deacon at <a href="http://www.yellowpages.com/cleveland-oh/mip/assembly-baptist-church-801345" target="_blank">my mother's church</a>, so I called him and tried to tell him that I was pregnant, but he never spoke to me again, and hung up the phone... I had a <a href="http://www.motherjones.com/media/2013/09/film-review-after-tiller-third-trimester-abortion" target="_blank">third trimester abortion </a>--after that <a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/georgia-man-good-looking-rapist-article-1.1730387" target="_blank">rapist</a> refused to ever speak to me again...<br />
<br />
I was <a href="http://wwwmcc.murdoch.edu.au/trauma/docs/SueJoseph-paper.pdf" target="_blank">unable to tell anyone -</a>-not even --especially not my parents!-- I was left silent and <a href="http://arbor.revistas.csic.es/index.php/arbor/article/viewFile/808/815" target="_blank">frigid</a> --"symptoms" the man I married (23 when I met him when I was still 16) vowed to cure --at first, of course, I didn't want him to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physical_intimacy" target="_blank">touch me</a>, but eventually I overcame that --I was still in high school, and <a href="http://www.trauma-pages.com/s/schmookler-manual.php" target="_blank">stopped speaking altogether</a> --<b>should I be unfriended for this? </b><br />
<br />
--not that <a href="https://www.facebook.com/underthereddress" target="_blank">Facebook</a> "friends" are "friends" in any other context, but they're still called "friends" --and seems to me that carries some responsibilities. What would it take for me to "<a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Get-over-Being-Unfriended-on-Facebook" target="_blank">unfriend</a>" someone? --Maybe I'd do this to escape more parts of high school, a regrettable time of my life --the ruptured <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intracranial_aneurysm" target="_blank">aneurysm</a> purged my brain of quite a bit of short term memory keeping --I'm not yet as bold as <b><a href="https://www.facebook.com/underthereddress" target="_blank">Beth </a></b>(though I did "like" her page, and am following it) --I can't yet state what I'm saying and feeling (don't quite have the "<a href="http://moxiesupper.com/" target="_blank">Moxie</a>", I suppose; but I can't yet state what I have to say without the protection of (pretty much "rapist-free) physical space --I do indeed remain hungry --perhaps just for a chance to live those years again, and do things I didn't do, and so things I did differently --your post <a href="http://robynlawson111.com/2014/02/19/103-people-unfriended-her-how-many-would-do-the-same-to-me/" target="_blank">Blog Woman,</a> has enabled me to say this! --thank you so much...<br />
<br />
But <a href="https://www.facebook.com/help/146466588759199?sr=1&sid=0s9okw8iz8Jh603Ts" target="_blank">friending</a> and <a href="https://www.facebook.com/help/172936839431357?sr=1&sid=0iqfZ78q6isHsLPBm" target="_blank">unfriending</a> has become so easy --as it is for liking and unliking things --strange that there are no other options...<br />
<br />
So many forms of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scar" target="_blank">scars</a>! --your post is a form of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wound_healing#Proliferative_phase" target="_blank">scab</a>! --<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wound_healing#Proliferative_phase" target="_blank"><b>healing occurring underneath</b></a>! --healing occurring! forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-84917721754112070452014-03-17T01:32:00.000-07:002014-03-23T17:39:01.681-07:00Fork Dance<span style="line-height: 1.3em;">Referred to Charlie Chaplin's dance with forks (love these tools of access) and rolls as the "potato dance"! --I was just so hungry!<a href="http://youtu.be/ww5pb-z0o0I" x-apple-data-detectors-result="0" x-apple-data-detectors-type="link" x-apple-data-detectors="true">http://youtu.be/ww5pb-z0o0I</a> (fork dance) at <a href="http://moxie.supper.com/" x-apple-data-detectors-result="1" x-apple-data-detectors-type="link" x-apple-data-detectors="true">moxie.supper.com</a></span><br />
Charlie Chaplin's dance with fork and rolls makes me crave that meal! --especially the forks! --Such tools oa access! you can watch that segmant here: <span style="line-height: 1.3em;"> (love these tools of access) and rolls as the "potato dance"! --I was just so hungry!<a href="http://youtu.be/ww5pb-z0o0I" x-apple-data-detectors-result="1" x-apple-data-detectors-type="link" x-apple-data-detectors="true">http://youtu.be/ww5pb-z0o0I</a> (fork dance)</span><br />
<br />
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forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0Ypsilanti, MI, USA42.2411499 -83.61299389999999242.1941294 -83.693674899999991 42.288170400000006 -83.5323129tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-71916506657098216732014-03-11T19:25:00.001-07:002014-03-23T22:44:53.023-07:00Star Trek - Time is Running Out<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/_Fc0irneMHU" width="480"></iframe>)<br />
<br />
A tine of one of my favorite episodes --mighty tasty snack and dessert.forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-17878366060950258792013-12-29T00:44:00.001-08:002013-12-29T00:50:58.287-08:00african cyclops by Antonio Mora<a href="http://www.verycoolphotoblog.com/2013/03/31/african-cyclops-by-antonio-mora/">african cyclops by Antonio Mora</a><br />
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<a href="http://www.verycoolphotoblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/1b9635fa4bad0d06960a609604ca78d0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.verycoolphotoblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/1b9635fa4bad0d06960a609604ca78d0.jpg" width="164" /></a></div>
forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-27582499603787936322013-12-28T15:44:00.000-08:002013-12-28T15:53:35.528-08:00Amrican Indian College Fund<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/Tm0OG4cdLgY?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tm0OG4cdLgY">Hope on the Rez</a><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><b>Snacks or full meals! --eat, consume, and help Native Americans! </b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;">Thank you!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-76234409390882457852013-12-22T17:34:00.000-08:002014-03-23T22:36:39.042-07:00absolutely forking hair! Look at this! --Interact<a href="http://thewondrous.com/12-craziest-hairstyles-ever/">Interact with this hair</a> with this!forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-88021631474727122132013-12-22T17:11:00.000-08:002014-03-23T22:35:48.872-07:00more forking hair, as can be experienced in a link below!Forking hair here! <a href="http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/AquESJ/:pTgW5oAx:aMf1IrxT/thewondrous.com/face-art-incredibly-awesome-makeup-portraits-by-alexander-khokhlov/">http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/AquESJ/:pTgW5oAx:aMf1IrxT/thewondrous.com/face-art-incredibly-awesome-makeup-portraits-by-alexander-khokhlov/</a>forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-15348146972355296992013-12-22T17:08:00.001-08:002014-03-23T22:41:11.450-07:00forky hair! magnificent forking hair!as seen here:<a href="http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/AquESJ/:pTgW5oAx:aMf1IrxT/thewondrous.com/face-art-incredibly-awesome-makeup-portraits-by-alexander-khokhlov/"> http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/AquESJ/:pTgW5oAx:aMf1IrxT/thewondrous.com/face-art-incredibly-awesome-makeup-portraits-by-alexander-khokhlov/</a>forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-73221670621207576082013-12-22T10:14:00.001-08:002014-03-23T22:35:04.390-07:00Antonio Mora blog and my Moxie Supper blog<a href="https://twitter.com/intent/tweet?text=Antonio+Mora+%7C+Very+cool+photo+blog&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.verycoolphotoblog.com%2Ftag%2Fantonio-mora%2F&related=">Share a link on Twitter</a>!<br />
<br />
enjoy those --partial-- as they must be. "meals"forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-60330090875008688092013-12-22T10:04:00.001-08:002014-03-23T22:39:13.197-07:00african cyclops by Antonio Mora -great blog, great forky pictures<a href="http://www.verycoolphotoblog.com/2013/03/31/african-cyclops-by-antonio-mora/">african cyclops by Antonio Mora</a><br />
<br />
Great for any meal, and for snacks anytime; so many tines of nourishment --that can (and do) feed any parts of you, satisfy --temporarily-- and tines of hunger you may develop! <br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.verycoolphotoblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/7ea393bbdbbf3fcec894fe6bf15d0374.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.verycoolphotoblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/7ea393bbdbbf3fcec894fe6bf15d0374.jpg" height="320" width="129" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">wonderful tines forming a type of veil</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.verycoolphotoblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/1b9635fa4bad0d06960a609604ca78d0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.verycoolphotoblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/1b9635fa4bad0d06960a609604ca78d0.jpg" height="320" width="164" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">HEADDRESS FANS<br />
out --suggesting avenues<br />
of connection! notice numerous <br />
shapes of courses of this meal<br />
that won't fill you;<br />
must keep eating and snacking! </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.verycoolphotoblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/32ff7b17bea4e63323c0137635eb871b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.verycoolphotoblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/32ff7b17bea4e63323c0137635eb871b.jpg" height="320" width="107" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">any direction (including those presently considered impossible)<br />
are suggested as routes<br />
for intellect and forms of imagination to pursue</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-10735584666895937902013-07-20T12:33:00.001-07:002013-07-20T12:33:41.526-07:00PFLAG National Blog: PFLAG National Statement on House Decision to Drop...<a href="http://blog.pflag.org/2013/07/pflag-national-statement-on-house.html?spref=bl">PFLAG National Blog: PFLAG National Statement on House Decision to Drop...</a>: PFLAG National Executive Director Jody Huckaby had the following to say, regarding the news that House Leaders would no longer seek to defen...forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-1982309636299534682013-07-20T12:32:00.001-07:002014-03-23T22:42:56.500-07:00PFLAG National Blog: PFLAG National Statement on House Decision to Drop...<a href="http://blog.pflag.org/2013/07/pflag-national-statement-on-house.html?spref=bl">PFLAG National Blog: PFLAG National Statement on House Decision to Drop...</a>: PFLAG National Executive Director Jody Huckaby had the following to say, regarding the news that House Leaders would no longer seek to defend....forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-6890287584934641752012-06-10T10:33:00.002-07:002012-06-10T10:47:25.264-07:00Why Bifurcate?<b>Interacting is risk<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV3y48RoH92hdDSeatYXPcEGYppiWHex5criqXcbQidzFQ8BdGhG-5499Wdp77azbABckguA57tk13DiWNDqbJ1RTkM4u95VfDsy0bNmiHSadSYaK4qtKXGnkRn0gs_s60a-djfe8Z0ZM/s1600/connecting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="309" width="310" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhV3y48RoH92hdDSeatYXPcEGYppiWHex5criqXcbQidzFQ8BdGhG-5499Wdp77azbABckguA57tk13DiWNDqbJ1RTkM4u95VfDsy0bNmiHSadSYaK4qtKXGnkRn0gs_s60a-djfe8Z0ZM/s320/connecting.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
</b> This risk happens because of exchange of information, some of which might change views held when entering an interaction. <br />
<br />
If you want to safeguard your thinking, try not to expose that thinking to other ideas; <br />
<br />
if you have answers, and doubt that anything else might have answers necessary to your thinking or what you try to do, avoid <i>interacting <br />
<br />
where you will leave behind bits and pieces of your ways of doing, while picking up from what become a partner in interaction, bits and pieces of information that you can --will-- spread as you continue to bifurcate, each time temporarily connecting with something</i>, <b>giving and receiving information<i></i></b>, <br />
<br />
perhaps changing what you think you know.<br />
<br />
(<a href="http://alangregerman.typepad.com/surrounded/2011/12/connecting-with-customers.html">connecting image</a>)forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-43803798552908541942012-04-21T14:34:00.000-07:002012-04-21T15:26:35.992-07:00OUTLIVING CHILDREN (acknowledging that the Earth is one of this Universe's children)<p><a href="http://mingkok.buddhistdoor.com/en/news/d/18354" title="OUTLIVING CHILDREN (acknowledging that Earth is one of this Universe's Children)">OUTLIVING CHILDREN (acknowledging that Earth is one of this Universe's Children)</a></p><div><p><strong>Very sad indeed for parents to outlive their children</strong>.; Something happens to the generations that should not. My paternal grandmother outlived most of her ten children, and for a while, it looked as if my mother might outlive her only child. Fortunately for her, i'm still here alive and ready to try to accomplish more than ever (ideally driving). If not, there are other ways to assert a meaningful presence. For me: limited fork ways.</p><p>With all the (rather frequent) tornadic events in the US in 2012, such outliving must be more common, if not more natural. Wars contribute to this dreadful phenomenon --pur DNA supports conflict, or we'd have evolved without it. I feel like adding my tears to buckets and barrels of tears --not that my additional tears would help anything, but I still crave such addition --some form of math seems involved, so far, with everything, not that human forms of math are the best or only forms, but as part of humanity, I will continue to submit to them. I must rely, as I've always done, on human senses, the only senses I have --even humanity's instruments improve what humanity can see, hear, touch, etc. <em>I need an equation for tears</em>, but when I add tears, I just get more tears. I do fear that there might not be enough fresh water (or food for populations of Earth, and I do not feel that humans are not more deserving of food <strong>just for being human</strong> --I doubt that, were other animals in charge, the Earth would be experiencing this decline this fast --<em>some of my assumptions surely show her</em>e), and tears tend to be incredibly fresh when produced, so my tears --<em>they aren't too salty to be fresh</em>-- can add a minuscule amount. I can't cry enough for everything. And looping bifurcating systems may not offer enough to constitute salvation --even if all possible loops are formed. Million of forks, for no reason but to make art that possibly no sentient one will see. Not that humanity's seeing it makes it any more splendid (note the assumption of splendor --humanity's Hubble space telescope did not make things easier for me; increased, actually, an accessible amount of splendor.</p><p>A time may come when dependence on tears could make a life/death difference --<i>not necessarily a splendid difference</i>.</p><p><font size=3>I definitely do not wish to outlive my son. He must go on to live a full life</font>, one that rewards him with joy (however he eventually defines <em>joy</em>). what successes, generations --if the world lasts long enough. I am optimistic that the Earth will/can endure. <strong>For my son, and sons of my sons</strong>. Surely, I hope long enough for his life to matter to more people than me. But then again, I am not promoting an afterlife such as what I was taught about so long ago. My mother still insists that her Christian beliefs are the correct beliefs. But I think that what is thought to be known (what I've been taught, and what I've observed at planetariums and through telescopes [I've been ruined, it seems, by Hubble]) about the universe and the solar system cause me to doubt her beliefs. She tells me that the prayer chains she initiated while I was hospitalized affected my outcome --I cannot say with certitude that all that praying did not help, but I wonder about what happens to the body; decomposition seems quite likely to me. Houdini did not return, and I believe that he would have had return been possible. Humanity's atoms may become available for next forms of life, assuming Earth can continue to sustain life as we've known it --not because we have dominion over other lifeforms, but because <br />
<br />
<font size=4>I hope we have a chance to improve the earth</font> <font size=2.5>(<i>assumption that improvement is needed: noted</i>)</font>, <font size=4>to try to return it </font>to some of what it was like during days before greed --that benefitted a few, not everyone-- helped to deplete the planet of finite resources. I do not think that we have suffered through all that will have to be endured before planetary decline can be halted or, better, reversed. Maybe it's too late for reversals. Maybe humanity does not deserve reversals. But I also don't want belief systems of humanity to perish --all that believing must not have been for naught. Surely. I don't want human generations to have an abrupt ending, but such an ending may be inevitable. There is interconnectedness among species. As insects and amphibians, for instance, meet demise, lifeforms dependent on those insects and amphibians may perish from those extinctions. Not to mention possibilities of asteroids and comets that may have deposited building blocks of life on Earth --<i>comet Gods</i>, I guess.</p></div><div><div><div><div><p>I'm not sure how my grandmother coped with being here after so many of her progeny (she had ten children, outlived all but three) were gone, returned to earth her husband tilled for so many years. A southern farmer. She outlived him too. I used to play with their geese, many of which were as tall as I was. He was dead already; never knew him except for what survived in my father and what was passed on to me through him. I've passed along some of what I received genetically to my son. Half. Lately, I've been impressed that everyone alive now has roots that extend to the first people on this planet. This seems to offer a truth no matter what is believed, creationism or evolution --of course, I thought that Darwin also offered a truth, seriously questioned by the Scopes Monkey Trial --in Tennessee, of course, where my father grew up and met my mother who now rejects everything I was taught in Cleveland, Ohio public schools, but <em>not what I was taught in Sunday school</em>. She is converting the garage into a church (it is not going to become the dolphin tank that my father promised, except in dreams and imagination that would not be mine had he not made the promise). My mother was always with me while my father stayed home, often on the second floor porch, watching, once, me by his side, a funnel cloud form above the church just a few yards away. True Vine. My son was not raised in church as I was; he was raised more to be a free thinker, encouraged to form his own ideas based on what made the most sense to him, and it is not organized religions. This exclusion from church has helped him rely more on logic --another human invention. How can humans not rely on human knowledge systems? Are we not surrounded by what humanity has made, whether for the detriment (according to someone's assessment) or improvement (according to someone's assessment) of human lives? Are we not primarily concerned with what may happen to people? Animals primarily as pets and food --for humans? I think of zoos, though I've visited many, as comparable to what happened in slavery, the captures that separated families --when animals are captured (I won't even talk about what happens to animals raised to be human food --no other purpose, the most noble purpose, according to Babe, book by Dick King-Smith, screenplay by George Miller and Chris Noonan --I do eat meat, the sanitized [relatively] forms purchased in supermarkets, relying on others to do the killing and butchering and packaging for me. I do like tastes of meat, and I do experience misgivings about being the carnivore I am, criticizing no carnivore for their carnivore ways --that I share). There is hypocrisy here --how can there not be? I am human-- I've admitted to eating meat, but I've rejected organized religions (many of which restrict the eating of meat to certain animals under certain conditions [of preparation] without outright prohibiting such consumption). I do not know all of what Buddhism teaches about the eating (or the not-eating) of meat, (go here http://mingkok.buddhistdoor.com/en/news/d/18354 for more info), but I reason that we should, even thinking of limited fork tenets, show more compassion toward other animals to whom this planet belongs just as much as to humans. I don't accept biblical teachings of humanity's dominion over other animals or over the world --planet. Exceedingly difficult for me to do that. Other animals may not have been as destructive as humans have been. I seem to take more outrage against those who are not free- thinkers than against carnivores; perhaps because I also think that meat-eating free- thinkers may have reasoned that eating meat is acceptable --I am from a family of carnivores, the human family as well as my personal family (my son was vegetarian until ninth grade and a field trip to Chicago where he ate a burger for the first time).</p></div></div></div></div><div><p>I don't know whether or not the sacrifice of the cow entered his mind (he is a member of Mensa --not that that membership means he is more or less likely to eat meat; he's also a member of the human family, and, as I've said, we haven't performed particularly well, given our responsibility for the planet --we are the planet's [self-appointed --<em>made in God's image, according to many, including my mother] caretakers</em>). A willing or forced sacrifice? What do we know or understand about cowness? How many of use have really tried to listen to what cows or other animals (including humans) might have to say? Does this understanding or lack of understanding really matter? As humanity runs out of what humanity, in any of its forms, considers food, perhaps this (and similar questions) will be answered. It doesn't really matter which questions are raised or attempted to be answered according to human ways of processing information --biblical or otherwise acquired-- ways of determining which questions to ask in search of a truth accepted by all with liberty and justice-- hmm; I've heard that before. Even had to recite that daily to get the "A" that I wanted (from the <em><font face=fantasy>Declaration of Independence</em> --not a declaration of free-thinking)</font>. </p><br />
Take a look at "Outliving Children."<br />
</div><em></em>forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2541654703575669930.post-40238319961716270452012-04-07T17:11:00.000-07:002012-04-08T07:36:42.935-07:00<b>Hello to my Toledo Friends!</b> <br />
<br />
Let us bifurcate together and dine on wonderful ideas; we will bifurcate above and below ground, <img src="http://www-personal.umich.edu/~thyliasm/bifurcation1.JPG" height=300 width=250 align=left><br />
rather like trees, anchored with roots that cling and spread in soil <br />
while our branches spread even between dimensions, temporarily connecting them <br />
-–I don’t think that any connection is or can be permanent; that is one reason that we must eat again and again (ideally stopping when we feel full, even though the feeling of fullness is temporary). <br />
<br />
<i>We will hunger again. Everyday. Probably several times a day.<br />
</i><br />
Please think, if you don’t mind, for a moment of ceiba trees, or of any tree you have liked –-forgive me, please, for assuming that there is a tree you’ve liked. If you dislike trees, this may not be a post for you, but I leave here a small interest in trees, a small interest that may become something else. <br />
<br />
<i>Each tine of a limited fork also functions as a root and/or a branch and may curve, circle, disappear for a while, temporarily connecting things, possibly even snagging something tasty, something possibly nourishing, something that can be ingested –-maybe without harm(ing us), but what is ingested will change during this process, and we may change, so the temporary connections is also a means of exchange: we give something and we receive something; we may not realize immediately that we are different, but we are.</i>forker girlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08771289118212470312noreply@blogger.com0